I Loved You, I Still Do
by treasuretrail
Summary: What Jesse did when he realized he was still in love with Rachel and just maybe, Rachel still felt the same way too.
1. Chapter 1

It's been a few weeks since Regionals and Jesse St. James was still in remorse. He was engulfed in melancholia. The illustration of Rachel's expression after he and his teammates egged her kept repeating on his mind. He meant what he said that day, he did love her. He still does actually. Yeah sure he was happy Rachel finally figured out who her mom was, yes he was happy winning regionals but all of that doesn't worth betraying the girl he loves.

It was a Saturday afternoon, Jesse drove to some local diner to do some contemplating on how miserable his life had been after he and Rachel broke up. He requested a booth to the waitress and ordered a burger, he looked out the window until he saw two familiar faces, one was an overly tall mediocre-looking (well at least that's what he thinks) dude who he recognized immediately, Finn Hudson. And his gigantic arm were wrapped around her shoulder, the girl who Jesse once loved, the girl who once was his, Rachel Berry.

She was wearing a sleeveless yellow sundress with a gray belt around her waist and topped with brown wedgies. Jesse couldn't stop thinking that she's really been hiding something under those argyle clothing all this time. He watched the sway of her hips as her dress fluttered around her exposing her mile-long tanned legs as she walked hand in hand with the overly huge adolescent. He'd never thought he would actually think of this let alone say it, but Rachel Berry is beautiful. Hell, Rachel freaking Berry is smoking hot.

When the couple entered the diner Jesse was pretty sure they were completely oblivious to his presence considering that they were still acting all lovey-dovey instead of bursting into flames. Jesse watched them carefully and ignore the waitress as she brought what he ordered earlier to his table. The couple were smiling at each other and it just drove Jesse insane. When he saw Finn leaned in to Rachel and pressed his lips against hers, it feels as though the universal clock has stopped ticking, but the time continued in a blinding pace. It took a while for Jesse to decipher what just happened but at that moment he was pretty certain that his world had erupted to an end.

He was quite sure that that liplock was illegal in at least three states. As tempted as he was to approach their table and punch the Neanderthal in the face himself, he then realized from the expression etched on the songstress' face, she was in love. She was happy. He could hear her laugh as she talked to Finn, and the sound of it was genuine. Jesse was happy that Rachel has finally found that one particular person who could love her, and slightly heart-brokened knowing that it could have been him beside her being the main reason of her happiness.

There's just something about the songstress that just triggered multiple responses, in his head, in his body, and in his heart. It felt like a tidal wave or a violent whirpool happening inside him, just a chaotic eruption of various emotions that was caused by the brunette.

When the couple were about to pay the bill, Jesse was consuming his burger. He honestly wondered how they were able to finish their meals so fast. As they walked out of the diner, Jesse could swear he saw Rachel glimpsed at him. He was pretty sure that Rachel's gaze at that moment could incinerate mere human beings. A blaze of fading anger and remorse in his blue eyes meets a storm of hatred, hurt, and a hint of sadness in her dark brown eyes.

It was nothing more than a five second stare but Jesse was certain it had meant something more. He snapped out of her thoughts as Rachel looked down and smiled at Finn when he called her name. She laced her fingers to her new boyfriend's and leaned in to press her lips upon his. Jesse managed to glare at their entwined hands. They got into what he pretty sure was Finn's car. He could feel the rage overflowing inside him but mostly, the sight of that just left Jesse even more devastated than he had already been.

Jesse finished his meal and walked out of the diner and approached his black Range Rover. He got into his car and kept driving, weaving though traffic and turning on streets, not exactly aware of his destination. He then realised he had ended up at the library. The place where he and Rachel had met. The place where he had fallen in love. The place where he started to prevaricate to the girl he loves.

He got out of his car and entered the place. He headed straight towards the grand piano that was located in the center of the room and started playing Lionel Richie's Hello as he tried to remember the first time he sang the song with the brunette. It amazes him what affect the songstress' voice has on him. One note from Rachel and he would be at peace. And he was even more amazed of the fact how she could actually alter him from a soulless automaton to an actual person who's indeed capable of feeling.

He kept playing the piano, pouring all of his feelings into the song until he realised tears welled up in his eyes. Jesse St. James was sulking over a girl, and that wasn't something you could see everyday. He couldn't stop thinking what would happen if he hadn't lied to Rachel from the first place, she'd probably be by his side right now belting out to her part.

As the song ended, Jesse stopped playing and drove himself home. When he arrived home he went straight to his bedroom and did more of his so-called contemplating slash sulking. He laid on his bed as he massaged the edge of his nose with his right hand, hoping doing so will soothe himself. He closed his eyes , wishing to somehow get Rachel to forgive all of his wrongdoings while thinking how he's going to get the brunette to do so.


	2. Chapter 2

Two months has passed since Jesse's unpleasant encounter with her ex-girlriend and her current boyfriend that had occured in some local diner. He practically spent the rest of the summer thinking about it and making a pro/con list on wether to confront her about it or not. He wasn't entirely sure if she still lingers some feeling for him all he knew was that he needed Rachel back. There's just something about the songstress that made him want to pursue. The way she laughs, the way her eyes light up when she's singing, the way she just takes people's breath away without even trying.

Considering that this was already early September, school was about to start in a few days. Jesse was relieved that he would finally have something to occupy his mind instead of just reminiscing what probably was an accidental gaze. Hell, Rachel was probably staring at someone else.

As the school started, Jesse was fillled with hopes that the new school year would do him some good. He had arrived just in time, he then entered Carmel HS with his head held high and as usual, the crowd parted like the red sea as he walked towards his locker. He grabbed his books that were going to be needed. When the school bell rang he was heading towards he first class which was calculus, he then saw his teammate from Vocal Adrenalline, Andrea Cohen, walking towards him, figuring that it had been 3 minutes since the bell rang and Andrea's almost perfect attendance,what she was going to say was probably pretty important. He could still remember the day she had cursed late night re-runs of 'Friends'.

"What do you want Andrea?" Jesse asked, putting his usual cocky grin on his face.

"Ms. Corcoran's waiting for you in her office" Andrea answered. He could hear the impatience in her tone.

"What does she want?"

"How should i know? Now if you'll excuse me i'm already late for first period, all thanks to you and whatever you did this time" Andrea retorted and ran slowly to her spanish class.

He was taken aback by the fact that their glee club coach wanted to see him first thing in the morning. He was seriously unaware of what he had done wrong till she made him skip first period.

Jesse was pretty much the closest to Shelby, she's more of a mother to him than his own was. She would be the one who consoles him when everything goes wrong. He could practically come to her and talk to her about anything and she could do the same with him. Shelby Corcoran was an unsolved puzzle and the only person who had managed to put the pieces all together was Jesse St. James. But the last thing he wished to deal with was the wrath of his very own glee club coach which was surely the main reason why she had called him in the first place.

He headed straight towards her office which was located near the school auditorium, whilst thinking how he would apologize for whatever that is that he did. As he arrived there, he knocked on the door and opened it, revealing the sight of his glee coach going through music sheets.

"Excuse me, but Andrea said you wanted to-" said Jesse before Shelby cut him off.

"Sit, St. James" Shelby replied, not taking her eyes off the music sheets.

Now he was absolutely terrified, the last time she had used that tone was when a freshman had missed his cue during a rehearsal on his first year in Vocal Adrenalline, he used to laugh at the kid until he knew how he had felt that day.

He sat on the chair which was located across her table looking down his lap, completely afraid of what she was going to say. Shelby stopped going through the music sheets and looked at Jesse. He could see the obvious mix of anger and disappointment etched on her face.

"Explain to me why Rachel's dads called me the other day telling me that my kids from VA had egged her daughter?" she scoffed.

Jesse went silence for a second there. "Oh, she told her fathers."

Shelby scowled and started yelling at him. "Really Jesse? I thought you would've known her better. She didn't tell them. Her dads found her favorite clothes in the trash can a few days ago, covered with eggs. They tried to confront her about it but since she refused to tell them the main reason, they had to questioned that Neanderthal boyfriend of hers about it and of course he told them the whole thing."

Shelby started yelling again "Why did you do it Jesse?"

Jesse went silence again as he finally realized the main reason of why he had egged her. "Peer pressure."

"Seriously St. James? You're an imbecile, a complete idiot." Shelby replied.

"Well what do you expect? Me backing out on my teammates?" Jesse answered, trying his best to hide the anger and the guilt in his tone even though he knew he had utterly failed at doing so.

"I expected you to make a better choice."

"And that's coming from someone who had abandoned her daughter." Jesse retorted. He hated the fact that he knew she was right about him, she was right about everything. What bothered him the most was how he couldn't back out on his teammates but he could easily back out on the girl he loved. But being the person that he was, he didn't want to display his vulnerability to other people, not even Shelby.

"Don't use that tone on me." Shelby caustically replied "You know this isn't about me St. James."

She had somehow managed her anger towards the male lead. She then started speaking to him in a more humane tone "Tell me Jesse, did you love her?"

"I did. I do." He sighed in exasperation.

"Look Jesse i know you're a good guy and i expect you to choose what's best for you next time. Now out, i need to do some heavy thinking." She replied, he could detect the sincerity resonated in her voice.

He got out of her office without saying anything. He shut the door behind him slowly and walked away. He suddenly heard the bell rang, indicating that first period was now over. He headed to his next class which was Chemistry, trying to get his mind off of what Shelby had said. But apparently that didn't work so well, her words reverberated in his head. He couldn't even focus on his classes, his head was filled with inquiries.

By the end of the day, he finally had an enlightenment on what he should do. He flipped his phone open and typed something into it. He hesitated for a while but then pressed send after. Jesse sighed and said to himself "Let's just hope this works."


	3. Chapter 3

Rachel Berry doesn't love Jesse St. James, or was it just some concept she tried to convince herself to believe? She loathed Jesse for what he did to her in the parking lot. She still had nightmares of all of the mother's of the little baby chicks coming at her for revenge every now and then. But she couldn't help herself, how her knees weakened when he sang Bohemian Rhapsody, how she got this fluttery feeling in her stomach as her eyes met his.

It was the beginning of the new school year, she was utterly elated of course to finally go back to glee. She spent the majority of her summer with Finn, and as much as she hated to admit it, thinking about Jesse. It all seemed so cliche, she fell in love with the guy who turned up to date her only because of her mom who doesn't even want to establish the bond that was supposed to exist between mothers and daughters told him to do so, who ended up egging her in a parking lot but yet, she still harbored some feelings towards the guy. Some life indeed.

She was waiting for Finn to pick her up to school on her room until she heard the familiar honk of his truck. She ran down the stairs and said her goodbye to her dads. She ran towards his car and got in. She gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Hey beautiful." He greeted her with a smile.

"Hello to you too." She replied putting that 100 mega-watt smile of hers on her face. Although this time it was a fake one.

Unfortunately Finn wasn't as dumb as everyone think he is. "Is something wrong babe?" He asked.

_Yes_. She shouted in her mind. "No, i'm fine. I'm just nervous that's all." She answered.

"You? Nervous? I never thought that i would live long enough to see that" He replied teasingly.

"Hey, i'm perfectly capable of being nervous you know. Everyone does. Feeling nervous is a normal reaction to the first day of new school years which has a tendency to trigger-" She replied before she was cut off.

"Rach?"

"What?"

"Rambling."

"Oh yeah right, sorry"

"Don't worry, that's just another reason why i love you" He smiled.

She hadn't told him that she loved him back, she didn't even know if she could after all of this "Jesse Situation" as she called it. Finn had been nothing but sweet to her and she cared about him deeply but she didn't feel that way about him and it just drove her mental. Everything just felt wrong. She wasn't supposed to fall for the competition's male lead who had egged her, she was supposed to love the charming quarterback who had gone through so much just to get her to reciprocate his feelings.

The drive to school was short and silent which she was thankful for. She knew she had to deal with Finn sooner or later and of course she prefered later. There was just way too much in her mind and the last thing she needed was another trouble to face. She gave her now boyfriend a quick peck on the cheek as they both got out of his truck. She slightly turned around and said "See you in glee?"

"See you in glee" He replied with a small smile and they both walked to their respective classes which in Rachel's case was Spanish. She headed towards her class and was immediately greeted by Mr. Schuester.

"Hello Rachel, how was your summer vacation?" He politely asked.

"It was...pleasant" She answered half-lying, hoping not to trigger any curiousity or worry from her teacher. But of course being the convincing actress that she was, she managed to only get a "good to hear that" as a reply.

She didn't know why but it seemed like time ticked slower that day. She turned into one of those people who glimpse at the clock every thirty seconds. She found concentrating to be as hard as her first month of being a vegan. Fortunately her grades were good enough so she wouldn't have to work her ass off to repeat the lessons she had missed. Whenever she wasn't with Jesse, there was a large piece of herself missing; a piece she had unknowingly placed in his possession. She hated herself for being so dependent, and Rachel Berry was anything but dependent.

Finally the bell that indicated school's finally over rang, Rachel was relieved but she still had glee to face. There's no word such as ditching in her way too extensive vocabulary when it comes to glee. She sighed in despair and walked towards her locker as she got out of the class. She was putting her books in her locker until she felt a couple of familiar arms around her waist.

"Hey, I missed you." She turned around to see Finn Hudson giving her a disturbingly cute look.

"Why hello there, i miss you too by the way." She replied smiling and draped her arms around his neck. He grinned and presse his lips upon hers, for someone who had rejected her once for his reputation he sure wasn't afraid of public display of affection.

As she pulled out of the kiss, she felt a small twist of guilt in her stomach. "We better get going, we don't want to be late for glee." She smiled.

They both entered the choir room to see all that they were the last ones to arrive besides their glee club teacher. They took their seats and Rachel rested her head upon Finn's shoulder, feeling a little bit light-headed. Mr. Schuester then entered the room giving one of his famous impromptu speech which Rachel didn't even bother listening this time. She just wanted to go home but at the same time felt obliged to attend glee. The only thing she managed to capture from his speech was "free jam session". She slouched on her chair and closed her eyes, ignoring the chatters her teammates were making around her.

_She was back at Carmel High's auditorium, the day Jesse had confessed to her that he indeed was absolutely crazy about her. Only this time she was the one watching. She was astounded by how she was so certain that she had finally met the right guy. She watched him stroked her cheek, and leaned in to kiss her convincing her that he truly had feelings for her. _

_Then the scene shifted to when they were in the parking lot. Watching. She was running to Jesse when she was suddenly the stickyness of egg yolk. She watched him say how he had loved her and then crack an egg on her face. Leaving her in pieces. _

She then felt a tug on her shoulder. She opened her eyes to see Finn was waking her up.

"Rach? Baby? Wake up. Glee ended about 10 minutes ago" Finn said, still rocking her shoulder back and forth.

"Oh."

"Come on let's get out of here" He said. She went silence and linked her arm with his.

They drove home, the drive was pretty much the exact same from what they had this earlier morning. She rested her chin in her palm and looked out the window and in a couple of minutes Finn's truck was already parked in the Berry's front lawn. Finn shifted his body so he was now facing Rachel.

"Are you okay? You seem like a little off today." Finn asked, he clearly was worried of the brunette's unusual behaviour.

"I am, i'm just a little preoccupied." She smiled, assuring him that she really was fine even though she wasn't.

"Okay then. See you tomorrow!" He kissed her on the cheek as she got out of his truck.

She entered her house and practically ran upstairs to her room. She was laying on her bed until she felt her phone vibrated. She checked to see who texted her.

_**Meet me at the park this Friday afternoon. I swear on my signed Broadway CD collection no egging involved.**_

–_**Jesse**_

She felt her heart skipped a beat when she read the short text message. She hesitated for a while on wether she should come or not because God knows what he would do this time. But inside she was ecstatic, she felt a flicker of hope. She decided to call Noah, she had somehow developed a friendship towards the mohawked adolescent since the egging incident. She was flattered by how he was the one who snapped to defend her honor and as he said before, they make a couple of good-looking Jews.

"Sup Berry?" She heard the voice on the other side of the phone.

"Noah, i need your help."


	4. Chapter 4

Jesse couldn't believe how time went by so fast, it had been four days since his debacle with his glee club coach and now he was sitting on the park bench waiting for Rachel Berry to come. He tried not to get his hopes up considering what he did to her but of course, he couldn't help feeling slightly jumpy. He spent all night thinking the right words to say, he even practiced it in front of the mirror for God's sake. He started rocking both of his legs slowly until he head a familiar noice coming from behind him.

"Jesse." Said the voice behind him.

There was that twinge in his stomach again. He quickly got off the park bench and turned around to see the brunette with hatred plastered on her face. She was clearly trying to look if she was still mad when all she wanted was to be in his warm embrace, which Jesse was completely oblivious to of course.

"Rachel." He then went quiet for a minute or two.

"Care to elaborate?" The brunette scoffed as she crossed her arms over her chest and arched an eyebrow, still trying to maintain her cold attitude towards Jesse. She looked around to check if there's going to be any of his teammates throwing another batch of eggs at her.

"I missed you. I'm aware that i'm the last person on earth you want to meet but i do mean each word i said that day on the parking lot, i did love you and i have come to a sudden realization that i still do." Jesse blurted.

The brunette froze, she was taken aback by his direct confession. She was outraged, how could he possibly told her that he loved her then break an egg on her face then tell her that he's still in love with her. She finally gained her self-composure and retorted.

"The hell Jesse?" He wasn't sure what he was surprised of more, the fact that Rachel just swore or how she had yelled due to something that wasn't related to someone stealing one of her solos.

"You and your precious Vocal Adrenaline teammates egged me and then here you stand professing your love for me. No thank you, i'm not an avid fan of masochism." She replied rolling her eyes trying to hide the tears that were starting to well up. She was too flabbergasted by hurt, not wanting to feel that way ever again even though she knew she still loved him to bits.

"Then enlighten me Rach, why did you even bother comng here?"

"I-" The songstress replied, lost at words.

"Look, I blew my chances in finally having the girl of my dreams, i know. But i love you and i'm pretty certain that it's not going to change anytime soon. My life has been a trainwreck since you left. I may not be the one you want but you're the one I want, the one i need." He had his hands on hers, drawing small circles on the back of her palm, his blue eyes locked with her brown ones. He was reliefed she didn't pull away.

Rachel pulled away trying to snap back into reality. "I love you Jesse, you left me broken that day, wondering what i did wrong." She said in a softer tone as she looked down. "I don't want to feel the pain i had before, you have no idea how hard i tried to endure it, how many nights i spent crying myself to sleep."

"I know, i'm sorry. Being away from you this past few months has only solidified that fact. I don't know how to make this work but i want to." Jesse said cupping her cheek. Aware that she had used the word love, in present tense.

"I just can't deal with this right now." With that, Jesse watched the frail-looking brunette turn on her heels and walk away, wiping the tears that she could no longer hold.

She entered her car and rested her forehead on the dashboard. She then cried her eyes out. The whole issue of her and Jesse was like a storm cloud over her head. It was dark, depressing, and threatened to start raining at any moment. She sulked until she felt like she wasn't able to produce any more tears.

"I guess you do need my help after all Berry." said the figure besides her as he tried to open his arms for the tiny songstress to fall into.

She was reluctant at first but then delve to the embrace of her now bestfriend, crying some more. She fisted her hand in his shirt, nestling deep into the safe coccoon that was Noah Puckerman.

He knew she wasn't ready to talk about it just yet so they just stayed like that for a while with Rachel's sobs filling the air. He then started talking after her breathing had slowed down, not shifting an inch from their current position. "Mind to tell me what happened back there?"

"He told me he still loves me." The brunette answered, the hesitation resonated in her voice.

"Then care to explain why you're still here? I thought you'd be back in his arms by now. I know you Berry, and you clearly seem to still be head over heels for that boy."

"God! Can everyone be more callous?" She instantly snapped and pulled away.

"You tell me, Berry."

"Because it was excruciating! I do love him Noah, but I just don't know if i could handle it if i have to face it all over again."

"I know Rachel, i know. But are you seriously going to let your chance of being happy again slip away? Have you passed the point of no return? The man freaking risked his collection of signed Broadway CDs for you!" Rachel managed to let out a small smile as she heard this.

"Plus what's the worst that could happen? I'll probably castrate him if he hurts you, you know i'll always be there for you regardless." Puck locked eyes with the songstress and gave her a genuine smile.

"I'm not sure Noah." She sighed.

"Then at least just try, Rach. For my sake and yours. Mostly yours."

"Truth be told. Noah Puckerman, the self-proclaimed stud is actually sensitive." The brunette giggled.

"Anything for my fellow Jew."

"Thank you, Noah. I don't know what i would've done without you." She smiled and started wrapping her arms tighter around the mohawked boy, feeling very thankful to have a friend like him by her side at the current moment.

"Don't mention it Berry. No seriously do not. Ever." He replied, putting an emphasis on the word not, the seriousness was obviously plaguing his expression now. "Come on now, let's get out of here." She chuckled and simply nodded.

The drive to the Berry's household was brief and filled with comfortable silence. Rachel hummed to some of the songs that were playing on the radio and Puck would just smile at her and be glad that he didn't have to deal with her damsel in distress demeanor anymore. He pulled his car on the driveway and watched as she got out. She said her goodbye and mouthed a thank you before she entered her house.

She got in and saw her dads sitting on the couch at the living room, watching re-runs of How I Met Your Mother. She giggled remembering how Noah really resembles Barney.

"Hey sweetie." Her dad, Hiram got off the couch and gave her daughter a kiss on the top of her head.

"Hello dad, daddy. How was your day?" She smiled and put her bags on the kitchen counter.

"Ours was well darling. You?"

"Slightly tiring, i think i might skip dinner tonight and do an early sleep instead. Good night dad, daddy." She gave them both a peck on the cheeks and went to her room.

She laid down on her bed, putting on her iPod on its deck. She wished to forget everything that has happened today and just not think how cliche her life is. She wondered of the 6 billion lives that are on the face of the eart why should she be the one dealing with all of this drama. A Fine Frenzy's Almost Lover then started playing, little that people know Rachel Berry actually had something other than showtunes on her iPod. She closed her eyes and drift off to sleep as the last note played, trying to figure out what the near future had in store for her.

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_


End file.
